The Family Built With Love

our children have given us so much more than we’ve given them

After two children, Bernadette was not done being a mum…

Bernadette, 68, explains:

When our children, Sarah and Jonathan, were teenagers, Patrick and I were reaching 40 and asking ourselves big life questions. Sarah and Jonathan needed less from us. We didn’t want the rest of our lives to be a cycle of work, sleep, work, sleep. We wanted - and could give - more.

Deciding to adopt was a family decision, with Sarah and Jonathan part of the process.

An adoption center handed us a folder full of photos of children. We saw a baby who had Down’s syndrome and agreed this could be what we were looking for.

Adam, now 28, had been passed around a few homes. Five days with his birth family, then a foster home, then a chance he’d be adopted that didn’t work out, and back to foster care. I felt protective of him after so many false starts.

Settling into our home, we realised Adam had learned to self-soothe, because no-one had ever come running when he cried. His personality soon changed after a little while with us. Adam was with his family, at last.

We kept in touch with his birth family for a few years and sent photos on his birthday, but they stopped replying to our correspondence.

Two years after Adam joined our family, we adopted Jessica. She had Down’s syndrome and heart problems. We were told we didn’t need to actually adopt her as her life may be short, but we didn’t want her to experience yet another rejection, so we proceeded.

She had heart surgery when she was one but after 13 weeks in Intensive Care, she passed away.

To this day Adam still gets sad when he thinks about Jessica. We all miss her.

We said we wouldn’t adopt again as Jessica’s passing caused us all so much pain, but then our social worker got in touch and said a little girl with Down’s syndrome had come into care. She was six months old.

Sophie made our family complete. Adam and Sophie achieved great things, including a medal each at the Special Olympics 2013, as part of the swimming team. Adam is outgoing and introduces himself to everyone. Sophie knows everyone’s birthdays.

When Adam was 18, he wanted to get in touch with his birth family. He wanted to know why they abandoned him and if they were scared of him.

I supported him in his wish for closure. Sadly, they refused to connect. We assured Adam they must have moved house and he accepted the situation. It’s such a shame they didn’t give Adam a chance, neither as a baby or as an adult. It would have made their lives richer to know him.

When Sophie was 18, she too asked if we could write to her birth family and send photos, which we did, but we got no response. She kept asking: ‘Have you heard from my birth parents yet?’ But in time, she realised they were never going to write back.

We will spend the rest of our lives showing Adam and Sophie that they’ve given us so much more than we have given them.